Dream Girl... Dream Guy... (part 2B)

Continued from Dream Girl... Dream Guy... (part 2A)..

please read that post before reading this in order to digest better.

Now let me give you 3 bad points that Infatuation has.

1. Infatuation leads to Lonliness & Disappointment..

Yes, you finally found out why you feel lonely so often.

Although it is not the main source nor the main cause of loneliness, having an infatuation contributes to it. Especially if the person whom you have a crush on does not feel the same way for you. I do not need to emphasize so much on this point, because most of you could agree on the many times of lonliness you felt when this girl or guy does not feel the same way you feel for them. And many times, this lead us into getting disappointed in ourselves, having thoughts that we aren't we good enough for others. In fact, the lonliness generated from having a one-sided infatuation might lead us into depression.

For a two-sided infatuation (meaning both parties have a crush on each other), lonliness might be released in times when you are unsure of how the other party feels or you misunderstand the other party.

The lonliness generated is an exceptionally high amount because your expectation for a person when you're in an infatuation is exceptionally high; perfect.

As in the things they do, not who they are, because you are already seeing them as perfect, thus certain actions that you did not expect from them might cause a great amount of disappointment.

2. Infatuation is a glutton.

Now what do i mean by saying that?

I mean that infatuation eats up your time, energy and even your joy, like a glutton.

It really does take up alot of our time. When we have a crush on someone, we spend a large percentage of our time thinking of the person.

Remember my goldfish example in the previous post?

We will think of the person we have a crush on to the extent that we are giving up hours of quality fellowship with our bed. We end up rolling on our bed, thinking about the person we like, thinking about how to impress the person, thinking about the countless different ways you would bring you and the person together if you were God, thinking about how you would "coincidentally" bump into each other or how "fate" will bring the both of you together.
If you have gone through this before, you don't need to feel so guilty, because almost all of us have been through it (except for those who so far only had crushes on their goldfishes).

Check out this quote i found:

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” - Dr Seuss

3. Infatuation might cause you to end up with the "wrong person".

Now this is one of the most important point that people tend to miss out on.

Why do i say that?

Because when we have infatuations, we set a certain standard that the person we want to end up with has to be. And, when such standards are met, we will begin to see them even more perfectly. We recieve a sense of confirmation that he or she really is THE ONE from the standards that we place.

Chim.. Let me break it down so that you can digest it better.

Lets say Jane (fiction character) likes cute guys who are at least 1.8m tall.

So she gets to know this cute 1.8m tall guy, and her heart then tells her that this might be THE ONE. Jane also likes guys who has a good sense of humour, and it happens that this guy has a good sense of humour too. Now, jane also likes guys who can play the guitar well.

Coincidentally, this guy can play the guitar well too.

WOW!

Jane's getting excited. Is this THE ONE for her? She keeps that thought ringing in her head.

Last of all, Jane likes romantic guys. And this guy is not only romantic, he is SUPER romantic.

So the idea that this guy is THE ONE now concludes into a fact in her heart.

And the fact stays in her heart even though later on she finds out the guy smokes, is a flirt, or maybe he was born a girl!!!

So that is how it works.

We set certain requirements THE ONE must have. And when someone comes along with such qualities, we take is that he/she/it is THE ONE!! Neglecting the fact that we might mislook on the things that we do not want our ONE to have because of our blindness (Infatuation blinds).

There are certain bad qualities that we cannot overlook if we want to find THE REAL ONE.

Let me give you two of the most inmportant qualities your THE REAL ONE must have.

a. Filial Peity

Why that?

Because, if a person is not filial to his/her parents, it means that he/she is not a committed person. And if the person cannot be committed to someone who raised him up with unconditional love for years, you cannot expect him to be committed to you.

This pattern is reflected in our society too.

Compared to decades ago, the respect that parents recieved from their childrens decreased.

Honoring and respecting our parents used to be a commandment that is highly valued in most societies.

But the IN thing now... FREEDOM.

A freedom that teaches us that there is no need for commitment, and what we want is more important than what we must do. The consequences...

A rapid increase in divorce rate. Now 1 out of every 4 Singaporean marriage, 1 out of every 3 American marriage, 1 out of every 2 French marriage, suffered divorce.

So find someone who will do what he/she must instead of what he/she wants.

And if you someone who is not filial, start practising it today.

Be grateful to your parents, they raised you up, feed you, cloth you, work their lives out dry for you, and what do they gain?

A taste of our adolescence and teenage attitude, all the rebellion, etc, etc..

It is as if they owe us something. But in fact we owe them our lives, so be grateful and practise filial piety.

b.Anger Management

If you know anyone who has never been angry before, GOOD NEWS!!

You've found a martian!!! haha..

Because humans are bound to get angry no matter how good their temper is.

The problem is..

How FREQUENT do they get angry and what do they do when they get angry?

People who get angry quite frequently but do not release their angry through physical means are quite alright. Of course, they must release it, if not they'll end up with tonnes of grudges.

The dangerous level is people who release their anger physically.

Even in small amounts, it is very dangerous.

For example, they beat their brother-in-law's dog with a broken bamboo stick, or do other stupid stuff empowered by anger. These are the people you should watch out for even if they do not abuse you physically. Because with such practises (releasing anger physically), one day he/she might start abusing you.

I'm sure you've heard the term "practice makes perfect". That is true for our attitudes too.

So by constant giving in to anger, constantly "practising" anger, they master the skills of abusing people. So watch out for such people.

Anyway, before all my friends start turning into monks and nuns or practice celibacy, i shall not add any more bad points of having an Infatuation. Personally, i feel that having a dream guy or dream girl is not that bad, its just that we do not know how to handle it.

After addressing so much about this issue, i want you to question your heart again.

Are you having a crush on the wrong person?

Or worse, are you in relationship with the wrong person?

You wonder why you feel so sad with him/her, and now you realise he/she is the wrong person.

Think about it now, do you really want to be with THIS ONE whom you like now??

Its not too late if your answer is no.
Countless books and magazines contain articles about how to love. I strongly do believe in loving others, but if you have feelings with the wrong person, if you have a crush on a person you do not want to be with, you need to know how to "un-love" them. Not to the extend that you hate them, but just to break free from that bondage of Infatuation you are in.

Of course i will still advice you to love the person as a friend.

So now here it is.

After many years of experience and hard work, i've discovered how to break free from an infatuation easily. It took me only one week to break free from the feelings i had for a person (girl, not guy) for approximately two years.

2 Steps To Get Over An Unwanted Infatuation

1. Know EXACTLY what you want.

The key word here is EXACTLY.

Why?

Because the lack of details open room for misinterpretation.

For example...

You tell your friend to buy a ball of blue string for you.

So your friend goes to a shop and realises that there are different types of strings; rafia, cloth, etc, etc. And, there are different tones of blue and different lengths of string too.

So because there is a lack of details, he would not get EXACTLY what you wanted. His brain will just be focused in getting a ball of blue string. And most likely, the material and length will not be EXACTLY what you wanted, but since it is already bought, you decided to just use that blue string.

So it is in our own lives.

We tell ourselves that we want some string (spouse) that is blue (good looking, or any other quality). And we when we arrive at the shop (world), we realise there are lots of blue strings with different material (personality) and length (attitudes). And because of the lack of details we gave to ourselves, we just choose and blue string that seem the most attractive.

And after awhile, we might realise that this is not the EXACT blue string that we want.

But since we have already bought it, we decided to use it anyway.

So BE DETAILED!!

Details Determines your Destiny.

Don't be focus with just one or two qualities that you look in for THE ONE, such as appearance or financial status. Instead, make sure you do not miss out on points such as being filial, understanding, etc. The lack of such characteristics are often the cause of realising that you're with THE WRONG ONE years down the road.

I would rather you use the time to find THE REAL ONE than waste it on a wrong person.

You can save the time of going back to the shop again. But, i advice you that if you realise that you end up with the wrong ball of blue string, go back and change it. Its better than suffering the rest of your life with it.

Knowing EXACTLY what you want is an insurance that secures you from having a crush on the wrong person in future. Of course, the outcome is still base on what you ultimately decide on.

Oh by the way, do not go to the other extreme to expect that you will find a real perfect spouse too. Humans have a fallen nature and none of us are perfect. Be ready to neglect on certain points such as looks, financial status, or certain character flaws. But do not neglect major flaws such as unfilial and angry (very angry i mean) people.

Always be flexible to neglect the minor expectations.

And to see if you are not overdoing it, measure it with yourself.

Your expectations for someone cannot be more perfect than you are.

Because a swine can never attract a sheep.

2. See the person IMPERFECTLY.

This is the GOLDEN RULE to get yourself out of an infatuation.
Force yourself to look at his/her shortcomings. Then weigh it with his/her good characteristics.

Which is more worth it?

Is it worth having a boyfriend who loves you alot but is one who cannot control his temper that might lead to physical abuse in the future?

No its not.. Be patient...

It is not as if he is the only person who will ever love you so much. If he was able to love you so much, someone else would be able to too. So weigh the pros and cons well.
If the person is an extremely good person, but does not look that good, or does not look like the way you dreamed THE ONE to be, he/she is still worth it.

THINK WITH YOUR EYES OPEN!!! -Rickson

Measure it well.

Don't get blinded by the love and care that the other party offers to you.

If you decide that the cons is heavier than the pros, then force yourself to remember the cons and remind yourself regularly that it is not worth it.

That you are worth someone better.

REMIND YOURSELF which is heavier(the pros and the cons).

And do your best not to be wishy-washy, not to be influence by others' opinions.

Stick to the equation you made, whether it is worth it or not.

And i can promise you, if you do it right, in a week or so you will be able to get yourself out of an unwanted infatuation.
Only unless his/her pros outweigh the cons, then i encourage you to continue on.

So thats all for now.

Remember what i'd touched on and do not let yourself fall into uneccessary infatuation.

And don't worry, there is still someone else out there.

This article has great value in view of eternity. It also has a great value in view of time. Because who you marry will determine whether you have heaven or hell on earth. So be patient and don't get blinded. THINK WITH YOUR EYES OPEN!!