I Shouldn't Be Alive

This title is the same title of a documentary airing on Discovery Channel.
You've guessed it, I am not going to talk about relationships or love or infatuations in this post.
I'm going to teach you survival skills...
Treat this as a advertisement break from your everyday life.


I watched an episode of "I Shouldn't Be Alive" a month ago, but was too busy to pen it all down.
Anyway, its about these 3 friends who decide to explore the Amazon forest together.
It'll be interesting, so sit back and enjoy~~



The story starts off with 3 friends who want to explore the Amazon forest (by the way, its a true story).
They went to a nearby village and found a guide who self-elevates his ability as a guide.


FOUL #1 - Make sure your guide is really experienced. read up a little and test him first.
FOUL #2 - They were unable to tell that the guide was not very good because they themselves have not read up much on or have much experience in survival skills.
TIP #1 - Always read up on something before you start doing it


Unaware of what the forest has in store for them, the four of them started the adventure.
On the 2nd day(if i remember correctly), one of the guys complained about pain in his foot.
Due to my poor memory, lets just name this guy "Squidward".
So anyway, Squidward took off his boots and found out that his foot was in a very bad shape.
It has becomed a square!!
Nah, kidding.
The skin off his foot was peeling off and his foot was partially swollen.


FOUL #3 - What Squidwart just experienced is called TRENCH FOOT.
This is a symptom whereby our feet get soaked in water for too long such that the skin tears and now germs and bacteria are given direct access to his foot.
If left untreated, it will get much worser, to the extent that it leads to death.

TIP #2 - Every hour of travelling (especially if the ground is wet), take a small break. Sit down, take off your boots and socks and let your feet breathe. Dry your feet a little by using your hands to clean your feet. By the way, I am only referring to people travelling in a forest or jungle, not in a city or town. I don't want this post to spark of a new trend of taking off your shoes to dry your feet in orchard road.


Anyway, Squidward also complained about his headaches, which was a symptom of his trenched foot.
So Sandy (the guide's name, a result of my poor memory again) decided to make his way back to the village with Squidward.
The other two guys, "Spongebob" and "Patrick" decided to continue exploring the Amazon forest.


FOUL #4 - Do NOT explore a forest without a guide!!!
Tip #3 - Follow the guide always.. But don't follow him too closely, the guide might misunderstand due to the society issues of our century, which were stirred up even more by many movies such as Brokeback Forest.. i mean mountain.


So Sandy and Squirward went off, while Spongebob and Patrick decided to try out the river.
They build their own raft and decided to go down the river.


Foul #5 - Know how strong the rapids of a river is before attempting to sail on it.
Tip #4 - Never try out a river unknown to you.


As they were going down the river, the rapids got so strong that it threw the both of them off the raft.
Upon regaining consciousness, Spongebob realised that he was now alone, left only with a machete (huge knife, a.k.a ang moh parang).
He decided not to take the machete as it was quite heavy, and decided to walk along the river to find Patrick.


Foul #6 - A knife is the most important tool you can have if you are in the forest. It is a vital tool for your self-defense and survival.
Tip # 5 - Carry your knife with you everyhwere!


After walking for 5 hours, Spongebob got very hungry.
He realised that he made a wrong move by leaving his machete, but decided not to go back and take it because e would have wasted 10 hours if he did that.


Tip #6 - Told you the knife is important.
Tip #7 - Find food.
a)fruits
Choose those fruits that you see animals eating.
Test those fruits by rubbing it against your skin and wait for 1 or 2 minutes.
If nothing happens, rub against your lips and wait for 1-2min.
Then your tongue for 1-2min.
If rashes or something else appear, don't be stupid to continue eating, its actually safer to eat your own faeces than those.
If nothing happens, bite it and chew for1-2min, then swallow and wait for another 45min.
Still nothing happens?
Then its totally safe to continue eating the same kind of fruit.

b) insects
find some wierd looking nuts from the floor and crack them open.
If you see larvae (white in colour, those that look like extremely fat and hairless caterpillars, usually portrayed as alien larvae in movies), you can eat them directly, they are super high in proteins.
Don't be afraid to eat it, i think it'll taste like bubble tea pearls.
Pluck out the head of grasshopper, then the legs, then the wings, and slurp up the juice from its body.
Those are super rich in proteins too. (Rickson is not making all these up, these are facts!! by the wway, it has been proven that insects contain x times more proteins than animals. That explains why ants are so strong :D)

c) snall animals..
like rabits, snakes, or even a snake that swallowed a rabbit (two-in-one).
Look out for small snakes (not those like the cobra which obviously has alot venom in it) that has its attention drawn away. Maybe the snake found a mice or something.
Then from behind, grab its head tight. You control a snake's entire body by controlling its head.
Slice the snake into two, open in up and tada!! Amazon Unagi.. something like that lar..
If you find a rat in the snake's belly, please throw it away.
If you find a hamster in the snake's belly, you might want to split open the hamster's stomach because hamsters eat grasshoppers too, and you might find a grasshopper inside for food! Its all about survival man. (Rickson's personal advice).
BUT, if you neglected Tip #6 and left your knife somewhere else, then i don't know how you're gonna eat the snake and hamster you found man. You can still eat the grasshopper though.

Tip #8 - Told you the knife was really important. Its good that you realise it by now. Maybe you can start taking precautions by carrying a pen knife everywhere you go..
But guys please don't use it to cut other people.
And girls please don't use it to cut yourselves.
And biology students, don't experiment dissecting hamsters at home.


But Spongebob did not have the courage nor the knowledge to find food, and thirst was getting to him.


Tip #9 - look for water in plant stems (vines).. chop off both end and pure rainwater will flow
If you don't have your knife, then it'll be more difficult.
Because water everywhere might b filled with bacteria, unless it comes from a clear sky, which rarely happens in a forest because the sky is covered by leaves in the Amzon forest.
If u see a puddle of clean water don't try it immediately.
Dig a small hole a metre away and let the water from the puddle flow in and get filtered by the roots in the ground.
Then drink straight from the top of the new puddle.
The bad news is, the water might still be infected.
The good news, its less infected. :D


After a long day of travelling, Patrick could still not be found.
The night is setting in with clouds of insecurity and fear covering the sky.
Spongebob lies down on the ground, hoping that the night will pass soon, while dreaming of his pineapple home under the sea.


Foul #6 - Do not sleep on a the ground of the forest!!
Why? Because at night, millions of ants will come out, and the bites of the ants can kill you.
Futhermore, if it suddenly rain heavily, a flood or landslide might get you.

Tip #10 - In a forest, the most dangerous time is in the night.
Build your "house" early, before a hint of nightfall sets in.
The best is that you use a poncho to make a hammock (a hanging bed or couch made of canvas, netted cord, with cords attached to supports at each end.)
If you do not have a poncho, find a tree hollow, gather alot of branches and make a bed there.
Just make sure that you are above ground.


Poor little Spongebob's efforts availed him little in trying to get some sleep on the ground of the forest.
When he woke up, he was filled with ant bites and mosquito bites.


Tip #11 - Bring a mosquito net along.
Cover yourself with it when you're sleeping.
The animals that hunt in the night are scary, but the most dangerous of all are the many mosquitoes that are ready to sample your blood without permission and inject drugs into your blood which causes dengue and malaria.

Tip #11 - Find natural mosquito repellents
Find a fruit that looks like a coconut which stinks real bad.
I don't mean a decomposed coconut, i mean a coconut looking fruit that looks fresh but stinks like crap. Smellier than smelly tofu (famous delicacy in certain parts of asia).
Wait... i think the smell comes from the inside of the fruit.
So you got to crack open the fruit first.
If it stinks, you got your mosquito repellent.
If it does not stink, rejoice, you found yourself a coconut (food).
Anyway, rub the flesh of the fruit (not the coconut, the other one) on a small portion of your skin and wait for an hour.
If nothing happens, you probably hit the jackpot.
Mosquitoes hate the smell of such fruits, many other animals too.
So apply on your skin before nightfalls (even if your face has lots of pimples).


A balloon flew up into the air, reaching for the heavens.
Suddenly, a very strong glare emits from the sky.
Patrick jumped up to his feet, to realise... that he was dreaming. (extra parts by Rickson to add interest)
It took him less than a minute to recover from that temporal amnesia he had and realised that he is now lost in the forest alone.
Technically he is not lost alone because Spongebob is lost too.
So i have to rephrase it...
Patrick is now alone and lost.
As darkness pours down from above, Patrick realised that he was in trouble.
Thoughts of regret filled his mind as he thought about the times he was watching cartoon instead of watching the many seasons of survivor that aired frquently on prime time back in his country.
Can Spongebob and Patrick outwit, outplay and outlast the Amazon forest?
What about Squidward and Sandy?



CREDITS

Adapted from "I Shouldn't Be alive"

producer
Rickson Tan

writer
Rickson Tan

Et Cetera (etc)
Rickson Tan





This post has great value in view of time, because you'll never know when you'll end up lost in a jungle/forest.
Plus the fact that most men will have to go for National Service (in my country - Singapore) and would have a high chance of being in a forest. These survival skills alone can save your life.

This post have value in view of eternity too because your life could be saved by knowing such skills, and the extra years of life you have from surviving gives you more time to do things that have great value.

more time = more opportunities to do great things.
So get yourself more time by learning survival skills, watching your health, and taking simple precautions to avoid accidents such as putting on your safety belt.
Yes, putting on your safety belt has value in view of eternity too!!! haha..

But it is also how you use your "extra" time that is important..





voom*
How do we make the best smoke signal?
voom*
What if you fall sick in the forest?
voom* voom*
What are the best ways to get out of a forest?
voom* voom* voom*
Have you ever wondered why we tend to walk in circles when lost?
voom* voom* voom* voom*
Tune in next week, only on i-v-o-e channel...


]to be continnued]